Core schemas – most common ones:

 

Emotional deprivation schema

 

A person with this schema will repeatedly expect that others will not emotionally support them. You may experience anything from a strong feeling of longing as if something is missing. It represents the unmet emotional needs, such as the lack of consistent, attention, affection, warmth, guidance, understanding and companionship when growing up. The key factor is the lack of consistent emotional needs being met.

 
In order to cope with this constant longing, sense of something missing people may react in various ways such as:

  • Some people may avoid triggering this schema by being very busy, putting all of their efforts into one or more areas of their life such as their work, sports and ignore their emotional needs to be close, emotionally intimate and fulfilled in relationships

 

  • Some people may get angry and upset when their emotional needs are not met and sometimes people may be ‘overbearing’ and demanding of their partners, friends or family. They may believe that if they do not demand affection/attention they won’t get it. They may receive affection but never feel it is quite enough, or that it is genuine.

 

  • Others they may just sit with the belief that they are unlovable, or relationships just aren’t meant to be, and they may feel depressed, hopeless, or detached from feeling feelings.

 

You may have an emotion deprivation schema if you:

 

  • Don’t expect to be emotionally fulfilled in relationships

  • You often don’t know what you are feeling

  • You ignore your feelings and thing they are pointless, a waste of time

  • You feel you have a constant void, a sense that something deep inside you is missing

  • You never experienced feeling special or unconditionally loved by someone, especially when a child

  • Never really feel connected to others

  • Focus a lot on other people in an attempt to keep the focus away from yourself

  • Don’t ask for emotional support as you don’t expect to get it

©2019 by Dr Virginia Kellond Psychological Therapy Service.